Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Feeling a wee bit out-of-sorts today. I know this kind of happens to me after a busy time and everything's settling down again. I've discovered I'm an adrenaline junkie and love being busy, having places to go, people to see. When things slow down, I kinda panic inside...that's when I'm left with my own thoughts. And God's thoughts too, so that's a bonus!
You just can't get away from yourself can you? - wherever you go, there you are. I see friends trying to run away from themselves on a regular basis - change church, change job, change partner...guess what? ...the problem's still there because it's 'inside' of them. I've tried to do it - have you? I didn't move church, job etc but I've tried to hide in activity, busyness, holidays - I could go on and on - and while this can give temporary relief, if your internal world is messed up, it will affect whatever environment you're in.
So what's my problem today? OVERTHINKING! Mostly analysing what I 'think' people are really meaning when they speak to me. This can tie you up in knots - well, me anyway. So now I've pinpointed the source of my pain, what do I do about it? I decide to read Galatians 6 from The Message.
I meditate over this during my lunch..."Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." and
"So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith."
I'm taking the opportunity to be still in God's presence, letting go of the junk I'm holding on to, carefully exploring my heart, sinking my time and energy into the areas I've been called to and focusing on others. Already I feel some of the weight lifting.