Sunday, 7 June 2009
I'm getting ready to run the gauntlet of hospital visits once again as dad prepares to go into hospital tomorrow. The last time he was admitted (3 years ago) we were told that this would be 'the end'. It was the end of October and dad had sensed something was wrong. He had gone shopping early for my present that year - an angel, that now takes pride of place in my living room. He had really thought that would be his last Christmas - so did we. It was such an emotional time and I was in the throws of depression, so when I think back, it's all a bit of a blur.
This is something I've grown up with my whole life - sickness, hospitals, medication, surgery - putting life on hold. I didn't always deal with it well - got angry, resentful, jealous of friends with healthy parents, fearful, heartsick, worried. God has been very carefully handling and shaping my heart concerning this - He has bought me immense peace and I know He has a plan (even though I don't know the details) and I trust Him. I can't emphasis enough how many times that my dad has been told that he wouldn't survive - and yet he keeps pulling through - what's that all about? God knows and I'm content with that.
I'm praying that God transcends my dad's highly intellectual mind and impacts his heart. I'm praying for supernatural strength for my mum (who has her own illnesses) as she spends her days running to and fro and caring for dad. I'm praying for the consultant to finally pinpoint the problem and access a solution. I'm praying for the hospice nurse to get dad the correct pain relief for his nerve pains. I'm praying peace of mind to my family as we embark on another stage of this journey. I'm praying that I don't shut David and Emily out of my heart at this time and try to do everything myself. I'm praying I let God have every single part of me and hear His voice clearly and know His love deeply. I'm praying.