Wednesday, 1 July 2009

Dying to be thin

Hello to all you good friends at Bloggerland!
Since my last post on my weight, I've had numerous emails from concerned folk telling me to just eat and there's nothing wrong with my figure. I so appreciate all the love and support shown but I wanted to mention that this is different from us girls having 'a fat day'. I had an eating disorder. Eating disorders are all encompassing. They affect every part of the person's life. According to the authors of Surviving an Eating Disorder, "feelings about work, school, relationships, day-to-day activities and one's experience of emotional well being are determined by what has or has not been eaten or by a number on a scale." I suffered from an intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat and a preoccupation with body weight and shape.
Anorexics have a distorted view of their body. Even when they are extremely thin, they see themselves as too fat. Anorexics are commonly perfectionists, driven to succeed; yet they set unattainable standards of performance for themselves. When they fail to meet these standards, they look for a part of their lives they can control; food and weight become that “control” for them. Low self-esteem and constant self-criticism cause anorexics to constantly fear losing control, and even consuming a small amount of food could be considered a loss of control. This is what I battled with daily. It consumed my thought life. It nearly destroyed my marriage. It made me incredibly ill and plunged me into a dark depression.

This scripture really helped me in recovery (as well as the unconditional love of God, my family and my church)

"My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times… Pour out your heart before Him…" (Psalm 62:5-8, NKJV).

I'm still on a journey X

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