Friday, 31 July 2009
I couldn't blog yesterday due to a number of factors...one of them being that it was the 5 year anniversary of my gran's death.
I still miss her so much and was a bit out of sorts about it. She was a huge influence in my life especially when it came to God (she introduced me to Him at an early age with loads of bible stories and prayers). As my dad has been so ill over the years (need to read previous posts for the details) my gran looked after me quite a bit. I had lots of sleepovers at her house, we watched old black & white films while eating enormous slabs of her homemade fruit cake (the best btw, it was like Christmas on a plate!), she loved showing me her old photos and making sure I knew who all my distant relatives were, she was a pillar of the community and was loved by everyone (we couldn't go shopping without scores of people stopping us to speak to her), she totally adored CSI and quite fancied Grissom (pity she didn't see many episodes), she loved God with a passion that left an imprint on my heart, she smelt like roses and her skin was as soft as tissue paper...I really miss her.
I wish she could see Emily growing up and how much she reminds me of her. I wish she was there for me to call and chat to about all the mundane details of my life (she had a gift of reassuring you that God makes everything work together for our good). She was the best cook and baker and her cakes were simply amazing. I wish I had spent more time in her kitchen learning from her.
I'm so glad she is with her Beloved experiencing unspeakable joy!
It's weird but when I saw my mum yesterday, neither of us allowed ourselves to give a voice to our memories of her. I was too choked up and was afraid that once I 'started' I wouldn't be able to stop. I think it's still too painful for my mum. Hopefully we get to a place where we can share our stories of this wonderful woman without fear of going to pieces.