"In this world you will have trouble" (Jesus)
Whatever else is going on, I know that God is using my marriage to forge my character. I also know that the log in my eye makes it very hard to see anything clearly.
When I was in the middle of an extremely dark depression I was confronted with lots of advice to just obey God or be more disciplined. Would you ask a person with a broken leg to run a marathon? So you can't demand the broken to live as they are whole. Discipline wasn't the issue for me; apply discipline and I made it worse. What I needed was healing.
My marriage has its ebbs and flows. As Ecclesiastes points out, there is a time for everything. There are times when David and I feel close and times when we could not be further apart. Winter comes, like it or not.
I'm discovering that it is not love to ignore your spouse's brokenness, faults, immaturity. It is not love to let something wrong carry on. Truth is, it is a lack of love that lets it all go on for years. When you let your own fears keep you from bringing something up with your spouse, that is simply self-protection...or indifference.
David and I are facing a winter season in our marriage. We arranged a 'date' on Thursday night to talk about how we were feeling. As we spoke, we both realised that it was our vows to one another (15 years ago) that kept us from jumping ship many times. Our choice to love and fight for one another and for the restoration of our marriage has introduced a little flower bud unfurling amidst the cold snow.
This I know...the storms will come. You need some place to stand. Here are some very basic truths I'm choosing to stand on:
*I am loved. Deeply, truly, madly loved. (Jer 31:3)
*I am secure. Utterly and completely secure. (John 10:28-9)
*I am forgiven. Totally forgiven. (Col 2:13)
*God is with me. He will never, ever abandon me. (Heb 13:4)
I am loved. I am secure. I am forgiven. God is with me.