Saturday, 10 July 2010

Storms Will Come

"In this world you will have trouble" (Jesus)

I've always hated the wind as a child. A few nights ago, the wind was fierce. I hadn't been sleeping well and I was mulling over how my life was feeling like it was being whipped by an unseen force. It felt like the Big, Bad Wolf was trying to blow my house down.
When crisis hits and something rocks our foundation to the core, we tend to start grasping, clutching and looking for someone to blame or some place to hold on. Kinda like drowning. Panic sets in; we rush to blame and point the finger or run to the biggest bar of chocolate or glass of wine (pick a self-medication of your choice)

Whatever else is going on, I know that God is using my marriage to forge my character. I also know that the log in my eye makes it very hard to see anything clearly.

When I was in the middle of an extremely dark depression I was confronted with lots of advice to just obey God or be more disciplined. Would you ask a person with a broken leg to run a marathon? So you can't demand the broken to live as they are whole. Discipline wasn't the issue for me; apply discipline and I made it worse. What I needed was healing.

My marriage has its ebbs and flows. As Ecclesiastes points out, there is a time for everything. There are times when David and I feel close and times when we could not be further apart. Winter comes, like it or not.

I'm discovering that it is not love to ignore your spouse's brokenness, faults, immaturity. It is not love to let something wrong carry on. Truth is, it is a lack of love that lets it all go on for years. When you let your own fears keep you from bringing something up with your spouse, that is simply self-protection...or indifference.

David and I are facing a winter season in our marriage. We arranged a 'date' on Thursday night to talk about how we were feeling. As we spoke, we both realised that it was our vows to one another (15 years ago) that kept us from jumping ship many times. Our choice to love and fight for one another and for the restoration of our marriage has introduced a little flower bud unfurling amidst the cold snow.

This I know...the storms will come. You need some place to stand. Here are some very basic truths I'm choosing to stand on:
*I am loved. Deeply, truly, madly loved. (Jer 31:3)
*I am secure. Utterly and completely secure. (John 10:28-9)
*I am forgiven. Totally forgiven. (Col 2:13)
*God is with me. He will never, ever abandon me. (Heb 13:4)

I am loved. I am secure. I am forgiven. God is with me.

5 comments:

  1. what a precious thing to come out of date night! So blessed by your post. I too have been in a winter season from time to time and it is a season. Be blessed !

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  2. much lv 2 u n david xxx

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  3. Oh Nichola, this is so poignant. I wish I could be this honest and transparent on my blog. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You bless so many people, and probably without even knowing it.

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  4. your honesty is amazing nic! so many people paint on a smile and let on everything is ok when inside they are breaking! its good to know that other people to through winter seaons! marriages have there up and downs. i will be praying for you and dave, love you both you have both impacted my life in a big way and i am blessec to have you both as friends! xxxx

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  5. Thank you all so much for the feedback (and the others who contacted me through pm on fb) To be authentic has always been a priority with this blog. It has been so cathartic. David also passes on his appreciation. It's been a real comfort to know there are people cheering us on - thank you xxx

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